Can you teach an old bitch new tricks? God I hope so...Happy monday.

THE ONE: The Fire Alarm is Ringing. What are you waiting for?

This is a slice from The Examined Life by psychoanalyst Steven Grosz.

Covering decisions that span from leaving lovers to running out of burning buildings, he observes that 'research has shown that, when a fire alarm rings, people do not act immediately. They talk to each other, and they try to work out what is going on. They stand around.'

If you've ever ignored a dangerous or painful situation out of fear of risk or change, you should read this.

THE GAME: BUSINESS INSIDER needs real journalists.

No, that is not the fucking name of an article. The name of the article in question (this time) is "Pot Farmers Alledgedly Kept Girl in Metal Box for Sex." Now, now, BI. Is the fact that they are pot farmers considered salient information here? Or are you just being dicks. Personally, I'd like to separate the need to keep people in unusual combinations of labor and sex bondage from the need to smoke doobies. Frankly, the more pot I smoke, the less I feel the need to keep anyone in my human-sized metal garage box...er...have sex....er...fuck it. At least they're protecting the innocence of the....ah, nevermind.

THE #LONGREAD: Why Men Need Women.

Adam Grant's latest NYT Op-Ed responds to a study detailing women's softening effect on wealthy men. I'm mostly WTF about most of the things that men and women say about each other in popular media lately. I don't understand the oppositional tone, honestly. It seems like we've forgotten that micro- and macro-scale observations on gender relations should be continuous, not isolated from each other. (I'm more about leveraging soft power. This is part of the reason why I own a lot of tailored sheath dresses, for example.)

Men are certainly not the enemy of women (not any more than women are, that is). Understanding natural effect is more exciting to me than fighting them. And frankly, balance is more useful to everyone (especially women) than some objective equality.

Then again, I've spent most of my adult life in male-dominated environments, perhaps I am brainwashed.

THE BEAUTY: The Pixel Painter.

The fountain of youth, and generalized source of life harmony, is personal growth. Want to enjoy every day of your life, motherfucker? Keep challenging yourself. And make cool shit.

Need inspiration? Watch this 97 year old artist turn MS Paint into a respectable medium. (via Colossal)

Hal Lasko, better known as Grandpa, worked as a graphic artist back when everything was done by hand. His family introduced him to the computer and Microsoft Paint long after he retired. Now, Grandpa spends ten hours a day moving pixels around his computer paintings. His work is a blend of pointillism and 8-Bit art. Meet 97-year-old Hal Lasko, The Pixel Painter. See more work at hallasko.com Director: Josh Bogdan (joshbogdan.com) Director: Ryan Lasko Editor/Writer: Josh Bogdan Director of Photography: Topaz Adizes (topazadizes.com) Original Music: Jarrod Pedone Original Music: Tyler H. Brown (thbproductions.com) hallasko.com

THE SOUND: Stavroz - The Finishing

There is something sexual about actually playing music instruments. Musicians. Try it.

Since you've all been waiting so long for our new release we thought it would be fun to have Nathan (on saxophone) give you a wonderful story, drenched in a Stavroz sauce. Eat it while it's hot!

There you have it. It's monday, go do something.

Brookman.

Follow @jessicabrookman