If what they say is true -- the city is a wilderness unto itself -- then, there are a few things I need to tell you:
- The time has come for men to stop walking tiny dogs for their girlfriends. I know she totally doesn't have time and you're totally being so supportive but nobody wants to fuck a dude they saw walking a chihuahua in a pink sweater vest.
- Now, in the event that you're reading this wondering why you should care if anyone wants to fuck your boyfriend, allow me. It's simple, actually. The second he starts to wonder if you're the only one who wants a bone is the same second that he starts searching for the answer to that question.
- [In case I need to spell this out: The answer to that question is in someone else's vagina.]
- Moral of the story? Get a wolf. Everyone wants the dude who's walking a wolf.
- Or maybe you're more the type who would rather fuck the wolf? Would you admit it if it were true?
- Regardless, you may find yourself going down a rabbit hole. In that event, I've found it's best to just keep digging. Think The Fantastic Mr. Fox.
- [Now, now, PETA. Calm down. We are just mixing metaphors here. Let's allow a woman her liberties. For the sake of the story. If you would. Thank you.]
If this sounds cliché, remember that nearly all stories started just as someone's blind items wearing a disguise. xo.