Naked in Public * 1

by Jessica Brookman in , ,

This is what i have to say. I'm naked. And i'm in public.

Naked. In pubic. This is not my ass. My ass is wider than this. 

Naked. In pubic. This is not my ass. My ass is wider than this. 

  • Look, talking to your ex about money can be awkward. Always make it easier by paying someone else to listen. I suggest a rate of $150/hour to start. And how does *that* make you feel? When you're done, tweet about it with the hash tag #losangeles.

  • That said, talking to your ex about who you're currently in love with/having sex with seems way less awkward. "Social lubricant" helps.

  • If you go to Cafe Stella, order a martini. That will make it classy, no matter what. Even if you're alone. Especially if you're alone. 

  • If he casually asks you to buy him a drink, laugh. He's the one that will be paying for it in the long run. #lol

  • If you see someone and are reminded of all the reasons you broke up *AND* you still want to sleep together? You were in love in a past life. I'm sorry, but it's true. 

  • Don't sleep with him. No seriously. Just don't. 

  • If you've ever wondered if he was gay, try to sleep with him. That should sort out any confusion.

  • When in doubt: Vintage cocktail dress.

  • If a Major Lazer remix of Smack my Bitch Up by The Prodigy comes on while you're having sex, just go with it. 

And...I got nothing.