I work in marketing. And I am a cynical jerk. So I'm going to decode my favorite ads from the Superbowl in twitter-sized chunks for you.

10. Kia - Sorento:

"America hates talking about sex. You can avoid talking about sex with your kids in our cars."

When it comes to our kids, there's an age-old question that has perplexed parents for generations. "Where do babies come from?" Now, for the first time ever, we'll reveal this untold story through an epic journey, nine months in the making.

9. Lincoln:

"We may have a new design team but we've got the same old prescription for Viagra."

Pleased to meet you all over again. Introducing the Lincoln Motor Company and the all-new 2013 MKZ. Our story is 90 years in the making. Here's what's next: www.Now.Lincoln.com

8. Mercedes Benz:

"This isn't the first time Willem Defoe has played the devil. But we can assure you that it IS the least gratifying for him. "

With a star-studded cast including Usher, Kate Upton and Willem Dafoe, Mercedes-Benz unveils the all-new CLA-Class in its Big Game commercial. Be the first to know: https://www.facebook.com/mercedesbenzusa Learn more about the CLA: http://www.mbusa.com/cla

7. Samsung Mobile USA:

"We spent more on this commercial than we have on product development in the last 3 years."

The Big Pitch is here! In our complete ad for the 2013 Big Game, Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd make their pitch to represent The Next Big Thing. Vote, then share your favorite moment on Twitter using #TheNextBigThing.

6. Audi

"We went with #BraveryWins: Because '#Trade-offs: Your kid will think you're cool. Then he'll get punched in the face." was a little on the nose.

A slightly insecure teenager is unhappy about going to the Senior Prom without a date. But when Dad lets him borrow the new Audi S6 for the night, he gains more and more confidence with every mile, arriving at the Prom a changed young man.

5. VW:

"We're not grown-up sexy like Audi because we haven't had kids. (P.S. it's because we're impotent)."

Watch our 2013 Game Day TV commercial, where you'll meet Dave and his newfound sunny disposition (that manifests itself in a curious way), all thanks to his new 2013 Volkswagen Beetle. Join the conversation online using #GetHappy and visit http://www.getingethappy.com to make a happy parade out of your grumpy friends.

4. Hyundai:

"#PickYourTeam: Nerds will have their revenge. Mom will drive."

It's time to round up the team with the new 7-passenger Santa Fe from Hyundai. See more at https://www.findyour7.com/

3. Bud Black Crown:

"For a price, sexy people will pretend to drink swill beer. We have paid that price."

A Super Bowl XLVII ad from Budweiser. It took the finest to help us choose a new, smooth and distinctive golden amber lager, Budweiser Black Crown. Taste is making an entrance. See more at: http://www.budweiser.com/BlackCrown, www.facebook.com/blackcrown and www.twitter.com/blackcrown.

2. GoDaddy:

"Our Ad team wanted to see if there was a way to make you want to throw up while looking at Bar Rafaeli. We believe we have found that way."

Danica Patrick watches "sexy meet smart" as supermodel Bar Refaeli experiences #TheKiss in this GoDaddy.com commercial. Get your #PerfectMatch of a Domain Name and Website at http://www.GoDaddy.com

1. Finally. BECKS:

WTF, right? SAPPHIRE hops? Mmmm. I'll let this SOS I received from their agency's copywriters speak for itself: 'SEND HELP! Our art director is colorblind and we are trapped in 1997.'

Introducing Beck's Sapphire - made with German sapphire hops. Watch as a black goldfish serenades its treasure, a beautifully-styled bottle of Beck's Sapphire. Featuring "No Diggity" by Chet Faker. Learn more at: http://www.beckssapphire.com

That is all. So you tell me:

What was the most absurd superbowl ad in your book?

@jessicabrookman

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