How to Buy Holiday Gifts for Your Hipster Girlfriend

by Jessica Brookman in , ,

FACT: For every hipster boyfriend, there is an equally quixotic hipster girlfriend.

Hipster girls are notoriously hard to shop for. 

Give new meaning to "Old Man sweaters" this year. (image)

But hipster girlfriends need love, too. Here's what to get her this year: 

  • Random KitschAny ordinary object in the shape of something cute should do just fine. Does your girlfriend need a new soapdish? Fuck Target. I guarantee there's a wood-carved owl-shaped version you can buy on Etsy for $45 instead.
  • Artisanal Foodstuffs: Hand-crafted vegan truffle mayonaise? Kale-stuffed gluten-free ravioli? fuckyeahi'! 
  • For the type of hipster girlfriend that doesn't eat actual food, there's always organic cigarettes. You're not an enabler if you smoke them with her. 
  • An Infographic love poem: Bitches love romantic graphic designers. Alternative: Williamsburg bridge graffiti love poem. Up to you, bud. 
  • A USB Typewriter: MacBook Pros are too current. An ipad plugged into an $800 fake typewriter, however, is not. 
  • A chia pet in the shape of your head: That way, your girlfriend can help you test-drive facial hair arrangements before you put them into practice. It's like tending to your relationship in the form of a tiny botanical garden. of love. 
  • One of your sweaters: She won't have to wear real pants...PLUS, it saves BOTH of you a trip to goodwill! 
  • Daria memorabilia. Daria was the best animated girl show ever. If she isn't familiar, you're probably dating an underage hipster, you scumbag. 
  • A couples portrait...with a twist:  Girls love pictures. But heading into you local Sears for a fucking portrait session won't be vintage for at least another 5 years. And, let's face it, you're not that much of a hipster. So, instead, have one of your artist friends re-imagine you as a happy animal couple made out of crayons and/or watercolors. Much better. Your girlfriend IS a fox, after all. 
  • Ultimate Hipster Sacrifice: Get your hipster girlfriend Ryan Gosling. She already sometimes takes her glasses off when you have sex and pretends that you're him, anyway. 

Did i leave anything out? 

If you like this, pin an image or share it with your hipster boyfriend. hint hint. 

- @jessicabrookman.